Matrimony

The South Carolina State laws for Divorce say:

The Complaint for Divorce is the initial document filed with the South Carolina court. It is in this document that the filing spouse will request the court to terminate the marriage under certain specified grounds.

No divorce from the bonds of matrimony shall be granted except upon one or more of the following grounds:

No-Fault Based Grounds: (1) Living separate and apart for at least 1 year without cohabitation.

Fault Based Grounds: (1) Adultery; (2) Desertion for at least one year; (3) Physical cruelty; (4) Habitual drunkenness or Drug abuse. (Code of Laws for South Carolina - Chapter 3; Sections 20-3-10)

I think that South Carolina's laws divorce laws are perfect the way that they are. I think that a year's separation is the perfect amount of time to ensure that a divorce is the appropriate course of action. I do not have any direct experience with my immediate family and divorce, but I do know that a divorce should not be a immediate reaction. The dissolution of a marriage is something can tear down individuals who are not directly involved (children, cousins, grandparents, friends, etc.) so a couple needs to take this years time to ensue that they are making the correct decision.

But another part of me says, "Why can they get married at the drop of a hat but divorced in a minimum time a year?" I just keep picturing past relationships of mine and at the time of some of these relationships we would find ourselves blinded by "love" and saying things like, "Let's run away tonight and get married!" Looking back on these relationships I was obviously too stupid and inexperienced to even be able to handle an engagement, but we were also of the legal age to get married. What if we made that impulse decision? I would still by South Carolina State laws be married to that boy, and we are very much not together anymore. This is a common mistake that so many young people make not only in South Carolina, but across the nation

So this raises an interesting argument: Should there be a law for the time before one can consider marriage? If they did this maybe they could fend off some of those "blinded by love" or impulse-quickie marriages that seem to be so glorified and excited by today's pop culture. If every couple who planned to wed was bound by law to wait 1 year before they did so I would put money down and say that a lot of these weddings would never happen. That one year would allow for time to go to premarital counseling, set up a prenuptial agreement, and even just relieve stress from these modern brides to plan a fantastic and over-the-top wedding in just 4 months. It would also probably allow some, not all of these, people to see that they were really not meant to be together, because honestly if they are going to be together for the rest of their lives, then what is one year of waiting? Most of these couples are all ready living together, so it wouldn't affect leases and financial situations as much as it might have 30 years ago.

According to the census bureau the average marriage lasts 7.2 years these days. Personally I would have to say that this is most likely due to the fact that marriage is no longer considered something sacred and holy. I remember when Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston split. Pitt was quoted saying something along the lines of "we didn't think that marriage was going to be an eternal thing, you can have multiple soul mates" My question to Mr. Pitt is then why get married, why make those vows that clearly state they are for eternity "till DEATH do us part" if you do not mean them? It is examples like this that turn divorce into something hot and full of gossip and trendy and hide what it really is... something painful that tears people's worlds upside down and destroys families as well as friends.

On the other end of the spectrum marriage has turned into something "hot" and "trendy." My mother and I were recently having a conversation and in that conversation about marriage because she met my father very young and they recently celebrated their 30th wedding anniversary. In fact, she met my dad when she was exactly my age. I often talk to her about my relationships and I was telling her that I couldn't imagine that I knew who my husband was yet and that I kind of always pictured myself married by the age of 25. And she gave me a word of advice that I think young America should listen to she said, "I would be sad if you married someone at the 'correct' age to get married just because you were at that age but it later ended in divorce because you were more caught up in the wedding than the marriage, and I would also be sad if you got married when you were older because you felt like time was running out and that ended in divorce, I would only be happy if you got married because you were head over heals in love with this man and it didn't matter how old you guys were, it didn't matter if you wedding had 2 people or 200 hundred people, because thats what matters. It's not about how old you are, or how big your wedding is it's about picking your spouse, someone who is the big picture and who makes the beautiful wedding and the house and the car just fall in around him not him falling into them." That advice has stuck with me and will make me think about who I choose to marry. I think that America should listen to that advice as well and I could guarantee you that we would have less divorces on our hands.

*as a side note I would like to add that my opinions on these issues are not for fault based grounds, but simply for no-fault based grounds.